We test the internet's most unnecessary dog products, then Pickles and Bear deliver the only verdicts that matter.
Dog Hand MassagerTrending for absolutely no reason
Dog Ball Pit“Two dogs entered. Three hundred plastic balls left.”
A soft-sided pit filled with lightweight balls and the exact amount of chaos your home was missing.
The unnecessary index
Dog Pool FloatA claw-friendly floating hammock that gives your dog a suspiciously premium poolside lifestyle.
Fur Keepsake VialA tiny glass keychain vial for preserving one carefully selected tuft from the endless renewable resource on your rug.
Grooming VacuumA brush, clipper and dryer system that pulls loose hair into a canister instead of distributing it across three rooms.
Frozen PupsicleA fill-and-freeze enrichment toy that buys you thirty peaceful minutes and one very focused dog.
Gnü Bone Broth ChewA firm, slow-softening chew made with bone broth, collagen and a short ingredient list—part treat, part occupation, part tiny edible engineering project.
Botanical Snuffle MatA layered fleece foraging mat with pockets, folds and hiding places that turns ordinary kibble into low-stakes detective work.
Talking ButtonsRecordable buttons arranged on a colorful mat so your dog can press requests instead of staring into your soul.
Everything LeashA modular leash handle with attachment points for the tiny household inventory that somehow accompanies every trip around the block.
Dog Hand MassagerA silicone hand gadget that turns ordinary petting into a suspiciously premium spa service.
Dog CologneA light pet-formulated fragrance mist designed to bridge the awkward social period between baths.
Pet Air PurifierA HEPA air purifier designed around pet hair, dander and the delicate household fragrance known as wet Labrador.
Fur Laundry SystemA pet-focused laundry system aimed at fur, dander and that stubborn fragrance known professionally as damp retriever.
Hydration LeashA retractable leash handle with its own water reservoir and fold-out trough for one-handed hydration stops.
Granny WigA lightweight curly costume wig and round glasses that instantly turn one judgmental dog into your aunt from Boca.
Possessed Shaky BallIt rolls, vibrates and changes direction without warning. The dog filed no formal complaint.
Treat CameraA rotating pet camera with two-way audio and a remote treat launcher for check-ins from anywhere.
Canine FitbitA collar-mounted GPS and activity tracker that turns walks, naps and escape attempts into app notifications.
At-Home Tick TestA rapid kit designed to check a removed tick for the bacteria associated with Lyme disease in about ten minutes—useful information, not a diagnosis.
Dog TreadmillA purpose-built treadmill with a dog-length deck and safety rails for controlled indoor exercise when weather, mobility or schedules refuse to cooperate.
PawseccoA non-alcoholic, dog-safe broth drink in a tiny celebratory bottle for birthdays, holidays and deeply unserious brunches.
Automatic Ball LauncherA miniature pitching machine for dogs with limitless ambition and humans with mortal shoulders.
Bacon Bubble MachineA small bubble machine loaded with pet-safe scented solution and absolutely no dignity.
Dog Treat Waffle MakerA miniature waffle maker that presses dog-safe batter into tiny bone-shaped brunch architecture.
Camera Smart FeederAn app-controlled kibble dispenser with scheduled portions, two-way audio and a camera pointed directly at the scene of the meal.
PetPhone CollarA collar-mounted voice, music and location gadget for owners who felt a regular tracker lacked sufficient telecommunications drama.
Birthday Cake MixA dog-friendly cake mix and icing packet that turns one mixing bowl into a full-scale canine birthday production.
Wiggle WhipGoat-milk-and-fruit dog treats freeze-dried into crunchy little bites, because scooping dessert was apparently the bottleneck.
Dog DNA TestSwab the cheek, mail the sample and wait for a breed reveal, relative matches and health-risk information that will immediately become dinner-party material.
Dog CrocsFour miniature foam shoes for the dog who has never once asked to coordinate an outfit.
Donut HarnessA lightweight over-the-head harness covered in pastel donuts, proving restraint systems can also look ready for brunch.
Dog UmbrellaA clear upside-down umbrella attached to a leash, designed to hover above a small dog who has rejected both weather and ordinary dignity.
TigerToes BootiesFlexible neoprene booties with wraparound rubber protection, reflective stripes and double straps for wet sidewalks, rough trails and suspicious autumn puddles.
Dog Painting KitA sealed canvas, a few paint colors and a lickable top layer that turns snack time into abstract art.
Dog Sofa BedA miniature upholstered loveseat with bolsters, cushions and the ambitious promise of reclaiming your human furniture.
Spinning Paw CleanerA cup with soft spinning bristles designed to remove evidence of the walk before it reaches your sofa.
Luxury Dog StrollerA roomy, shaded stroller for two small dogs, complete with storage and an unmistakable celebrity arrival.
Dog Carrier BackpackA structured, mesh-sided backpack that lets a small dog commute at shoulder height while you perform all available cardio.
Dog Bike TrailerA roomy, ventilated trailer that lets senior, small or endurance-optional dogs join bike outings without pretending they signed up for cardio.
DOGTVStreaming programs built around dog-friendly colors, sounds and pacing for enrichment while the human controls the remote.
Robot Dog ToiletAn indoor potty platform that rolls away used pads so apartment dogs can outsource one more chore.
Dog SunglassesStrapped goggles that make every dog look like they have somewhere more important to be.
Fence Bubble WindowA clear acrylic dome mounted in a wooden fence so your dog can monitor the sidewalk without developing a suspiciously long neck.
Dog Selfie AttachmentA squeaky tennis ball clipped above your phone camera so your dog briefly acknowledges the content department.
Back-Seat ExtenderA padded bridge over the rear footwell that creates a broad, stable platform for two compact passengers.
Smart Dog DoorA collar-triggered pet door with schedules, remote controls and notifications for anyone who felt a flap of plastic lacked software.
LED Glow CollarA rechargeable light-up collar that makes a dark-coated dog dramatically easier to see after sunset.
Robotic BoneA rechargeable interactive bone that rolls, wiggles and changes direction whenever the room becomes too peaceful.
Dog Splash PadA shallow mat with perimeter sprinklers that turns a garden hose into a canine resort.
Cooling VestA soak-and-wear vest that uses evaporative cooling to add a little relief on warm, dry days.
Mosquito OnesieA full-body striped dog suit made with treated fabric and enough visual confidence to turn evening yard time into a wildlife documentary.
Heartbeat Puppy ToyA soft comfort toy with a removable heartbeat module designed to make a new puppy feel less alone.
Lick MatA textured silicone mat that turns a thin smear of dog-safe food into a surprisingly long and peaceful appointment.
Paw Water FountainA hose-connected pedal fountain that rewards one confident paw tap with a fresh arc of water.
Nail GrinderA guarded rotary grinder that shortens nails gradually instead of making one dramatic clip and hoping for the best.
Dog Drying BagA soft zippered wrap that connects to a low-temperature pet dryer and contains the post-bath weather event.
Dog Ball PitA soft-sided pit filled with lightweight balls and the exact amount of chaos your home was missing.
Barkcuterie BookA recipe book devoted to arranging dog-safe treats on tiny, photogenic snack boards with absolutely unnecessary ceremony.
Bathing GloveA silicone scrubber glove connected to the hose so water, massage and rinsing happen with the same hand.
Our highly scientific process
Every product earns four scores and one brutally simple verdict. We reward joy, usefulness and a respectable amount of chaos.
Usually in all caps. Frequently with dramatic music.
No mystery five-star rating from a dog named “verified buyer.”
One sniff can end a product's entire marketing campaign.